A Few Worries and a Few Bags

I put my sewing away in June after our family difficulty. I just lost all my steam and excitement to do much of anything but sit, sleep, and worry. I did remember to pray. Things are still difficult.

Even though a few others have hinted that they have observed a change of heart in the child in question, I have not seen it. I have of late, witnessed the child struggling with circumstances now not to the child's liking. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and I guess our side of the fence has become much greener lately. I have observed a child trying to squirm out of current problems.

What I have not seen is a heart of humbleness, of true repentance, or an acceptance of wrong. I still see anger, pride, self justification. I am sad. I lack wisdom. I do not know what to do. I fear making the wrong decision. I fear permanently crushing an already bruised reed. But then I fear not letting the bruised reed heal in God's gentle care by grabbing it away and taping it up myself. I fear the judgments of others. I worry for the other children in Fryeville.

I still have not taken out my sewing yet. I have put my energy into the entryway for a few days. That is me peeking my head out of my shell a little bit. This week is the Waseca County Fair. I'll peek my head out even a little bit more. These are the last things I sewed before the machines were put away.

Warmly, A Dragonfrye Mommy

A Little Bit Tuckered

I like this picture of Mrs. Tittlemouse

I am just tuckered out with things.

I wish...

I suppose wishing isn't of much use, now is it?

I have been having a very hard last few months.

Actually, it has been much longer.

I sometimes feel pretty alone in my struggles.

I know I am not the first nor will I be the last who will walk down this road.

It just feels like it.

Watching a child make poor decisions is heartbreaking.

Making the hard choices in response, as a parent...so very hard.

Knowing others do not understand.

Feeling the judgment.

Hearing the whispers, the questioning of our love and devotion to the child walking a road of self made consequences.

Others thinking they would do it different or better...

People who are supposed to be our friends, our leaders, our support system.

Well, it had been very hard.

My heart is broken.

It breaks for my child.

It breaks for the dreams and hopes of a heart once open to God's voice.

It breaks for those who sit in their seat of knowledge of unknowing that they mistake as knowledge and wisdom.

My heart breaks for me.

It breaks for the rest of our family.

It has been a sad time around our house lately.

A thought for you who do not understand why we did what we did:

I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none.

~ Ezekiel 22: 30

Well, we are standing in the gap for our child. On the child's behalf until the day the child is able to stand once again with us. We will make the decisions that are hard and unpopular. We will face the judgment and the lack of understanding full on. I will cry, because I am not brave but I am determined. We are committed. Our child is deeply, deeply loved by us.

Warmly, A Dragonfrye Mommy

Down Ramble's Way

I know I have been letting too much time pass between my posts.

My couple week blog silence leads to this pretty long rambling post mostly filled with pictures since I am lacking in the word department this evening.

Here are a few of my sewing projects this past few weeks.

These are my most recent quilt blocks.



I had ten cute dog themed fat quarters just hanging around so I made a few quilt tops from them.

A square quilt top





and a crazy nine patch-ish quilt top





I had a set of baby girl 5 inch squares that I bought years ago. I added a few extra squares from my 5 inch square stash and made this fun quilt top.





My ipod cover makes me smiley every time I look at it. You have to love those Jetoy cats!!!



Can't believe she will be 19 in a few short months.



A very handsome profile



Ok, you little guys are a little cuter that the Jetoy cats...





P.S.

Interested in a free baby kitten?

We have nine up for grabs!

Warmly, A Dragonfrye Mommy

Love Looks Like Something

"There is always enough because I died. There is always enough because I died."

 



"Tina, remember this.

You need to remember this.

You need to hold on to this.

There is always enough because I died.

Always.

Stop for the one."

I want to stop for the one.

I want Love to look like something to Jeff and the kids.

I want Love to look like something when others see me living my life.

I want my doors to be open wide in anticipation of the Lord's calling.

I do not want to wait for God's shout to be called forward.

No, I want to be ready when he whispers.

I do not want to miss it.

I want to hear His whisper.

As long as I am here on earth,

I do not want to sit still.

I want to be moving forward.

I could sit still and coast.

I could justify it in my mind.

God would love me just the same.

But I would always wonder what I could have been missing out on.

What other race could I have run.

No, I want my doors wide open in anticipation of that sweet whisper that calls us to trust and follow Him and to stop for the one no matter who (or what ) that one would be.

Warmly, A Dragonfrye Mommy

The First Year. Behind The Scenes!

Christmas Eve five years ago we went from a family of nine to a family of twelve!

These past five years have gone very fast but yet very slow.

That first year was pretty intense.

Our first three Liberians, Cyrus,Ekie,and Grace had not even been here a few months and we were already making plans to adopt three more Liberian children.

It was a crazy thing to do but we thought if we are going to do this let's just do it. Kind of like just jump in and worry about learning to swim later.

Looking back we are SO glad we did it the way we did insane as it must have seemed to most.

To top it off, our first three Liberian children were here just four months and we found out we were pregnant with our 8th bio child, sweet little Lily.

So we ended up going from a family of nine to a family of sixteen in just fourteen months!!

I can not even begin to describe how intense things were. I failed so miserably that first year. I still cringe when I think of it.

Haha. God was not just doing some light pruning of my character, he was doing some major uprooting of everything in my life. I mean everything. Nothing seemed untouched.

One would think with all the major refining God has been doing in my life over these past five years, I would feel a little bit closer to a tiny diamond in-the-ruff but I feel even more like a lump of coal that I did before!

~Sigh~

For today

I thought I would entertain you with pictures from that first very intense year.

Here we are in 2006 as a family of nine the Easter before our first three Liberian children came. We took this picture for our dossier.



Here are Grace, Cyrus, and Ekie in Liberia August 2006. This was our referral picture.

Cyrus was 8, Ekie 5,and Grace 2.



This was us as a family of 12 just a few weeks after Cyrus, Ekie, and Grace came home to us.



This is a picture of our first Easter as a family of 12. I will tell you a secret. I had such a hard time adjusting those first few months I did not even get out of bed that Easter. Jeff did everything solo that day. Grant was taking this picture. As you can see,I knew nothing at all about fixing African hair. Poor Ekie and Grace had such sad looking hair for the whole year until Joyce came.



Here is Grace on her first birthday here. She had turned 3. I am not sure why but for most of Grace's first year this was her 'normal' facial expression. It took almost a year for her stools to become normal,as well. I felt so horrible because I felt very little love for Grace that first year. All I could think about was that she always smelled so bad and she would just have such a blank stare most of the time. I did not tell very many people how much I struggled that first year loving Grace because I was so ashamed. I mean,look how just adorably cute she was!!!! Grace herself was such a sweet little girl. The lack of bonding was on my end not hers.



Ekie the first spring she was here. What a little beauty she is!!



It is amazing how much Cyrus has grown these five years. This is the same boy who is with Santa in my Christmas post below.



Now, I feel like my writing in this post is very dry. My words are not flowing out right. But I will leave it as it is, if you do not mind.

I know that I mentioned that that first year that Cyrus, Ekie, and Grace came was very hard and intense. Well, it was but in a heart beat I would do it again. I would change how I responded to different things but as far as adopting all of the kids, I would not change that.

Never.

Never.

Never!

Warmly, A Patchwork Mommy

A Slow Down

I am guessing that there are a few wondering how things are going with bringing our two newest children home. Well, we hit a snag a few weeks ago...a somewhat big one. I am still pretty discouraged about the whole situation. It kind of was like getting punched in the stomach. We are still hoping that things will work themselves out. We will wait and see what the next little while brings. Sorry for the lack of details and this post being so vague. If or when things work out I will let you know.

Warmly,A Patchwork Mommy

Has It Been Two Weeks?!

Ok, here I am.

I fell off the blog grid for a few weeks.

Why?

It's the fight or flight thing.

I chose the flight option.

I have been a

little stressed,

panicked,

and all out

majorly

freaking!!

I get like that before there are changes coming in my life.

I like things smooth,

predictable,

steady.

Change is good

but scary for me.

SO

I have to say I have been pretending nothing is soon going to change.

What is this mumbling all about any way?

Our home study is pretty much finished

which means soon we will be welcoming two new children into our home!

Ah!

I think I feel some major adoption labor pains!

I do not like labor pains even if the end result is good.

The time is near

but I'm very afraid.

Things will be good.

God has lead us down this path.

I read this really good quote that I keep tossing around in my head:

"Those who know their God will display strength and take action"

I know you God.

You are strong.

You have a plan.

I am weak.

I am walking blind.

That is a combination for great things to happen, isn't it?

Yes,it is.

It really is.


" O Lord God," I said, " I can't do that! I'm far too young! I am only a youth!"

" Don't say that," he replied, " for you will go wherever I send you and speak whatever I tell you to. And don't be afraid of the people, for I, the Lord, will be with you and see you through."

Jeremiah 1: 6-8

Ok Lord ,I am poking my hear out of the sand and getting ready to display strength and take action.

My knees are still wanting to buckle but I know you and this is a good thing this path you have me on.

Warmly,

A Patchwork Mommy

And Here They Are!!

The date was today.



It was a very important date!



They have always been Fryes in our minds but now Minnesota agrees!



Odell Charisse Frye



Joyce Anna Frye



Naomi Genevieve Frye







Our court time was a little early so Jeff and I took just the three girls.



We had fun.



After the adoption proceeding were finished the five of us walked to the coffee shop to get a treat.







And then we spent some time browsing in a few shops in downtown Waseca.







It was a fun time!!!



What a blessed mom I am!



Warmly,A Patchwork Mommy

Notice Something?

Notice something?

That cool dude third from the right.

The one in the red?

(l to r) Alan 14, Grant 16, Cyrus, 12, Josiah 14, Nolan 11, Joshua 10



That is him!

That is our Josiah!!!

Our 7th Liberian.

He has been a part of our family for three weeks now

but it is like he was always here.

And

WE LOVE HIM !!!!!!

I can not even begin to express how perfectly he fits into our home.

How much he is loved.

God is very,very good.

God planned this.

God saved a place in our hearts and lives for this young man.

Have you ever heard the saying, "it fits like a glove"?

Well, this young man

Our Josiah,

fits our family like a glove.

Stepping out in faith can be VERY,VERY,VERY scary.

Sometimes when we stepped out in faith it is only BY faith that we could cling to God's goodness and wisdom because it was hard to see those things ourselves.

And sometimes like with Josiah, we stepped out in faith and God's goodness and wisdom became very clear.


Warmly,A Patchwork Mommy

Four Years Later

This was us December 24th, 2006.

Our lives changes forever that day.

It was a very happy day but a very, very scary day as well.

So many unknowns.

This was the day our first three Liberian children Cyrus,Ekie,and Grace came home to us.



We jumped from seven children to ten children.

It seemed like jumping into the deep end of the pool and not knowing how to swim.

We did a lot of treading water that year.

We experienced a lot of God's grace, faithfulness, and forgiveness that year.

We experienced mountaintop views as well as many, many valleys!

But we made it through and just a little more than thirteen months after that we added a baby (Lily) and three more Liberian children (Joyce, Odell, and Naomi)!

What a wild last four years we had!

I am SO very thankful God has us walking down the path we are.

Warmly,A Patchwork Mommy

The Hope

I find a lot of times life especially the difficulties I experience can cloud my passions, dreams,expectations,and my hopes of/for the future.

Some days I want to stand on the roof tops holding my breath not even wanting to blink as I look off into the future waiting for it to come. I want to get the first glimpse of the fulfilment of my hopes and dreams even though they are so far off they are still a tiny speck on the horizon.

Then there are days when my now reality, my sins and failings are such a heavy weight I can not do anything other than mourn what might never be. There are no passions,no dreams,no expectations,and no hopes for the future. I can not look off to the horizon. My heart can not bare to see the horizon void and empty and so far away.

Pretty dramatic,I know. I'm just like that. To be honest I really do not even know what I hope the future will bring. My only hope should be in Christ alone,but a lot of times it is not.It is in the things I think he has planned for me, or the things he can do for me.

Well,I hope these next few months as we pray and ask God to lead us in whatever it is he has in mind,that we will not loose heart.

That we will not loose heart as God digs deeper into the things hidden and lets our weaknesses and shortcomings be exposed. The digging and pruning is needed...required by the Gardner to produce in us more of him less of us.

That we would not loose heart if his revealed plan is something very different than what we would have hoped or thought we desired.

Or maybe that it is exactly what we desired but up close it looks like a mountain beyond our capability to climb.

Or even yet,his plan would be one of waiting...

Let us stand firm and rest in the fact that God's will whatever it may be is perfect and in that perfect will we will find a place that we wanted to be all along.

~~~~~~

I wanted to include these two quotes that motivate me a great deal as I look to the future in hope...


“Every child born into the world is a new thought of God, an ever fresh and radiant possibility” ~Kate D. Wiggins


A servant of God must stand so very much alone that he never realizes he is alone. In the early stages of the Christian life, disappointments will come— people who used to be lights will flicker out, and those who used to stand with us will turn away. We have to get so used to it that we will not even realize we are standing alone. Paul said, “. . . no one stood with me, but all forsook me . . . . But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me . . .” (2 Timothy 4:16-17 ). We must build our faith not on fading lights but on the Light that never fails. When “important” individuals go away we are sad, until we see that they are meant to go, so that only one thing is left for us to do— to look into the face of God for ourselves.

~Oswald Chambers

Count Your Blessings

Name them one by one

Count your many blessings

See what God has done...


A ten year old who is very proud of his Paul and Silas diorama




A tot washing her hands just a little longer to get them extra clean



Sisters brought together who were born over 5542 miles apart



A five year old boy's bug friends



A cozy moment with an uncommonly mellow tot



Six more baby blankets finished



Warmly,
A Patchwork Mommy

The Whop

A few weeks ago there was a lot of ruckus in the boys bedroom. I went up to see what was going on and I saw Cyrus and Joyce dancing away. By the time I got the camera to video it they were off doing something else. Someday I will catch it on video for you all to enjoy. They were dancing The Liberian Whop. I showed the kids this video and they were SO exited. They laughed."Oh,yes!We know that!" They started singing the song,too.



Notice the dog chasing the chicken? Cyrus tells a story about when Grace was a baby she would chase the chicken around their uncle's farm. He would think it was so funny and laugh and laugh.Maybe the story it the chicken chased her. Now,I forget but I'm glad he remembers.

The Game of Ten

I know I put a bunch of (probably boring to you) videos on my blog. This one is a must see. Why? Well, because I know that there are those who read my blog and can not quite visualise or grasp what we experience around here daily by having older children from across the world here with us now as our own children. I do not live up to my calling as a mom of a large family very well, in fact, I pretty much stink at the job. I feel a bit over my head most days.

BUT I watch our Liberian girls playing their games and there is something that just overwhelms me with emotion.I am SO very grateful that although I seem to stumble in the darkness most of the time with things,I would not take a second of this and exchange it for what's behind curtain #2.

I will just say this: you are all missing out. Take that last statement with a grain of salt because sometimes I think that and sometimes I do not. BUT there might be those who feel like God is leading you down this path and it seems very scary. Well, it is very scary and very very very hard. Did I mention very hard? I kept thinking when we first set out on this adoption journey back in '06 that missing out on what God could have done but couldn't because of my fear would be a harder pill to swallow that all the difficult times I could face stepping out in faith. Those same thoughts are still true today. I have many days I forget but watching this simple video pulls me out of my selfishness and..sigh.. we are so fortunate. We, the Fryes are very blessed.



The girls are playing a game called Ten. I'm not sure quite how it goes but it has something to do with matching the other's foot actions.

Anya's New Do'

This morning Joyce was hard at work fixing Anya's hair. Very good job, Joyce!





We went to pick up the medication to treat the one child who brought home to America 'snake'. It cost us $69.00 and that is the generic version!! WOW! I almost cried. I think Jeff actually did. We have good health insurance but do not have prescription coverage. It was not cost effective in the past so we dropped it. I sure do wish we had it this year. We all got tested and are waiting for the results. Oh, I Really REALLY hope that this issue has not spread to others, well, for a variety of reasons as you could imagine not all of it is the cost of treatment.


Sigh...I'm feeling a little down today. It seems the more I think the more my head hurts. Thinking about the above issue,life, and everyone here seems a little off today,especially me. Why is everyone soo nit-picky and fighty today? So many issues.

I think I will cozy up with the Lid's (Joel's nickname for Lily) on the front porch and relax. Now if I could just somehow send an idea into Jeff's head to pick me up a nice iced mocha on his way home from work...that is what those of us who live life without a cell phone do.

A Very Nice Thursday

We have yet to make a special trash pickup for our broken baby pool. The kids thought that it still had a few hot days left in it so out from the garbage it came. It worked great as long as everyone just stood in it.



Although I had my Etsy shop since last fall I had yet to buy anything. I did make a trade and Catay's Creations gave me complementary jam. But I finally jumped in and made my first Etsy purchase and it came today in the mail. I am very pleased.

I bought this necklace from J Studio .Isn't it very pretty! She has a lot more beautiful pendent necklaces in her shop.

J Studio is raising money for Kolfe Orphanage in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia so all her profits from J Studio goes to help the orphanage. Since I have some dear friends who adopted from Ethiopia (although from a different orphanage) and us adopting from Africa, I thought it was very nice to help Kolfe Orphanage and get a very pretty necklace too!

Africa's Melodie

Most of you have heard that adoptions in Liberia have been suspended for a while as the Liberian government works on new adoption laws. I kind of fell out of the Liberian adoption information loop once our three girls came home last year.

I was very pleased to re-find Melodie Sheppard's blog
Africa's Melodie!

All six of our Liberia children have very fond memories of Melodie during their time in the orphanage. I read on Melodie's blog that Melodie who is a missionary in Liberia, Diaku Juasemai( AOHL Staff member) ,and Bob Bridges (an adoptive parent from the US) participated in a live call-in radio program in Liberia March 10th, 2009.

The topic discussed was adoptions in Liberia. This was a Liberian call in radio program and is about 50 minutes long. There are a few commercials at the start of the program. The third commercial in particular reminds me of what I hear every day around her. Not the content but the Liberian English the girls in the commercial speak.

Go to Ask The Expert and link on the "listen now" to hear the program.

If this link does not work Melodie has a down loadable link on her blog.

Melodie you sounded great!!!

Has it Been a Year Already?

It's pretty crazy to think it has already been a year since Joyce, Odell, and Naomi arrived from Africa. Silly...my very first thought when I saw the girls was how can I ever tell who is Naomi and who is Odell. I had looked at their pictures for close to a year and thought I surely would be able to recognise them each in a crowded room like all mom's would their children. But in fact for the first ten minutes or so I was calling them each by the wrong name and the sweet lady who escorted them home to us softly let me know. I felt pretty much like the worst parent in the world.

OK...in all truth the above was my second set of thoughts when I first saw them....my very very first thought was that I needed to run away as fast as I could! "See you later Jeff! I'm out of here!" Not because of the girls but because I was SO very afraid of what life with 14 children would be like. It seemed way more than I could ever handle. I was just SO afraid.

The year has gone fast and has been pretty challenging at times. The girls are GREAT and have been from the first. It has been a very amazing year.

Would I recommend what we did to others (especially other larger families ) who might be feeling God's nudge to walk similar ground? YES,I would in a heart beat if God is leading you. Can I say it would be easy? NO.NO.NO.NO.NO. It is more hard than easy a HIGH percentage of the time.At first it is hard on the marriage,time,finances,character,siblings,etc...But I will say I would rather walk a moment on this path God has set out for me than a life time of another path on my own.

The girls on their journey home to us.