It's Been a Long Time Baby

It really has been a while.
I was on the hunt for a cute picture of my son, who turns 18 today, to put on Facebook.
I remembered my blog was still floating around blog land somewhere and had years of pictures.
So here I am.
I thought as long as I was here why not mark my visit with a post and a few pictures.

So much has changed over the years.

Most of it has not been happy ever after, sweet, cozy changes.
Life happens and is pretty messy, and very ugly sometimes. 

Maybe I will come back another time and give an update.

I was reading over some old posts as I was hunting for picture of my son.

Wow, it almost seems like I am reading about another person's life.
On the other hand, I can still feel the raw emotion behind some of my past posts.
I wrote a lot, but shared very little.
As I was reading, every once in a while, I recognize the truth peeking from behind my words. 
Almost begging for someone to notice.
Lol.

Warmly, Me

Olaf the Snowman

 

Some people are worth melting for.

 

~ Olaf the Snowman

 

 

 

I want to be one of those people...

 Warmly, Me

A Yellow Rose for a Lily

A few weeks ago Lily's name was on Waseca Floral's sign to stop for a free rose.

 

I walked her down to pick out her flower.

 

She picked out a yellow rose.

 

It is very pretty. Great choice Lily!!

 

 

I took a picture of the rose the day she got it, but I forgot to get one of the sign.

 

Lily's name was still up on the sign today so Jeff brought her over and snapped a picture.

 

 

Jeff also took this adorable picture.

 

The rose is still in pretty good shape even though it is a few weeks old.

 

Warmly, Me

The Topic is Food

Ah, my gloomy post yesterday.
Forgive me.
 I am kind of a drama queen or so I have been told...but...but that is real drama. I will move past my feelings, at least those feelings, and move on to

 

Food.

 

Always a good topic.

 

Drama free.

 

This evening, I was solo with the kids. I was not feeling our Thursday meal of BBQ ham and beans over rice. Um...not my favorite meal will I ever say, but Jeff and a good number of the kids like it. So it is on the weekly menu. Jeff had the meal already prepared to make my night easier. That was very thoughtful of him. It did help my night go smoother. Don't tell, but I gave my share to others and later I made a secret batch of tuna noodle salad with lemon pepper.
 

One of my emotional go to meals.

Ok. Ok.

So there is a teeny, tiny, little bit of emotional drama that hopped a ride with my tuna noodle salad.

 

I also made mini strawberry dessert crepes for all of us.

These are too good to not share

but

~ sigh ~ 

I did have five while everyone else only had three.   

  

 

Warmly, Me

Trusting the GPS?

  My apologies for such a cryptic post the other day. I had been struggling with letting go of something I had been holding deep in my heart for a few years. I had thought I was being diligent in guarding my heart, but I was not. It can be so easy to veer off of life's course without even realizing, isn't it? The real truth is, I knew I was heading in the wrong direction for a while, I just did not want to turn back. The only thing waiting for me if I turned back was real life. Real life...well...really sucks sometimes.

 

My 20 year old son went on a solo road trip from here in Minnesota to Galveston, Texas last week. He said that this was a first step to traveling the world. He has already gone to Ghana, Africa two times and Milan, Italy once in his short life. They were mission trips. Pretty cool. His desire is to be ready to go wherever God calls him to in the future. He is training himself to be ready. I love his faith. This solo road trip was the first in a series of training adventures he is planning, I believe. On this trip, he somehow set his GPS wrong and according to the GPS he had hours and hours of driving time until he would arrive at his destination. He did not think that seemed right, although he trusted the GPS. He was very tired and discouraged but once he realized his GPS mistake he was able to alter his course and continue on with hope because he was hours closer to his destination than he thought. 

 

Could God have given me a more timely visual aid? 

 

I was humbled by my son's faith and eagerness to be all there for God. 

 

Also, I heard what God was telling me. I was way off course.    

 

Sometimes, real life just seems like a lonely, muddy, mucky, smelly swamp that is almost impossible, and therefore seemingly pointless to move forward through. Move forward in real life...very, very hard. I do not have the sigh of relief that my son had after he fixed his GPS. I am sad. I feel pretty hollow and empty today.  It will all be ok, though. It will take time to untangle my emotional mess. Doing right by letting go and following the Lord, handing my heart, my dreams, my desires all back to him. It will be ok.

 

Warmly, Me

P.S. The quote might not seem fitting for today's post, but it is. I think so, anyway. Letting go can be very hard and very painful, but it also makes us alive. We are not shadows, or faint whispers blowing around in the wind. Just as we feel both the hot sun and cold snow on our face, it is the same with heartbreak and joy, right? Today, I feel deep lonely, empty heartbreak and I will wait for the day I feel joy or at least better than I do now. I am pretty sure it should be around at some point. 

 

Letting Go

 

and I just let go.

 

 

Warmly, Me

She is Turning Eight!!!

    My Little Lily

 

How did time move so quickly?

 

 Last week you were just a tiny baby .

 

Just a wee tiny tot, yesterday.

 

And now you are eight!

 

I smile, thinking of what your future holds.

 

But my heart stings with sadness over time that has passed.

 

My little princess will soon not need me as much as she did.

 

Lily, I love you more than I can even express with words.

 

Happy birthday

 

to the sweetest girl I know!

 

Love, Mom

"Just Stand Up!"

 

When I was in high school, our graduating class took a trip to Somerset, Wisconsin, to go tubing down the Apple River.

 

 I was very painfully shy and a total dork in high school. Ok, yes also in every preceding grade. I think I was semi cool in college, though. Not totally sure, but pretty sure. Anyway, I dreaded this trip but for some reason I also really wanted to go. Maybe, I thought, for the day I would magically be less shy and less dorky? Maybe the murky waters of the Apple River would transform me into someone awesome just for a little while? I did think that. Luckily, there were a few girls I was friends with since 7th grade who let me tie my tube to theirs' and float along with them. It was a fun time. There was no dorky girl/cool girl transformation but it was a fun time.

 

At the end of the ride, there is the choice to get out of the river or go down the rapids. For some CRAZY, INSANE reason I thought I would untie my inner tube and continue down the rapids even though my friends chose to get out before the rapids. The next thing I remember was my tube flipping over and I thought I was drowning. I then remember being grabbed by my neck and someone shouting something like, "just stand up!" I did and noticed the person who saved me was still in his tube and grabbed me as he happened to be floated by. I realized I was only in water not even passed my knees. I am pretty sure I was not drowning or even in any real danger at all. I got out of the river and life went on. Nobody said a word to me. I am not sure anyone really noticed. I think that gave me some comfort but also made me sort of sad. I held my own private Queen of Dorkville coronation. I reigned as Queen for a while.

I thought of my tubing story yesterday as I was running through this past week's difficulties over and over in my mind. The issues that I was faced with while Jeff was gone were real. Just like those rapids were real. I thought back and there were two ways I could have handled the issues, pretend not to see them or stand face to face with them. Just like the rapids, get out before, or continue on. Ignoring the issues really would have been easier and kept peace around here. But for some CRAZY, INSANE reason I started down those rapids! I thought that overlooking the issues would have been the better choice because things did get pretty messy. But I down deep really did not think that. My mom love would jump off a cliff for these Frye kids, run into a burning building, and even go down those rapids.  Wouldn't we all do that for our children?

I was counseled by a friend when we had to make another hard parenting decision a few years ago with another child. That decision was a zillion mountains higher and way harder than what I faced this week, just to put things in perspective. This past week's issues were major but still minor in comparison. Anyway, he said that that one decision we made probably would not change that child's heart. He said God could do a miracle but most likely that one decision would not do it. I am not sure if he was suggesting we should overlook and love or just cautioning us to not get our hopes up if we hold the line we had already drawn. We stayed the course with our decision, anyway. He was right as far as I can tell. We drew a line and it did not change the child's heart. There was not a melted heart of repentance nor the desire to reconnect. It only seemed to feed the bitter seed that had already taken root in the child's heart. I still stand by the choice we made despite the outcome so far. It just broke a part of my heart clean off.

Ever since then, I have been inwardly very afraid to go down the rapids (the parent kind). I have done it since but, there is always a huge fear. There I was this past week, with my inner tube untied needing to make a fast parenting call. I chose to go down those rapids and I thought that once again I was drowning. It was messy. I was very worried. How I love this child. I am SO, SO thankful for this child's heart. True repentance was shown, forgiveness given, consequences accepted. Things are dealt with now and life has moved on. Jeff was filled in on the drama and maybe secretly glad that it was on my watch and not his.  

 So here I am today. Reflecting. Breathing. It took until today for me to hear that shout, "Just stand up!". I am pretty sure God had been shouting it for a few days now. I was just afraid to get up. Ha ha. I did finally stand up and the water is only about knee deep. I think I really was drowning this time but God was very gracious to me.

 

He reached down from heaven and rescued me; he drew me out of deep waters.

~Psalm 18:16    

                                                                       Warmly, Me

Not New Years Just Yet

Not New Years Just Yet

 

 in pictures

 

Tasty banana bread

thanks to the efforts of

Odell, Ekie, and Lily.

 

School planning continued.

Well, kind of, anyway.

I got as far as taking this picture.

 

I thought about doing a little sewing and then got sidetracked with eating banana bread and conversation. A good sidetrack, I say. Sewing is fun but it can wait for another day.

 

Over all, today was a low key day which is nice because I have been pretty tired.

Jeff was gone for part of this past week.

There were a couple major child issues that came up while he was gone.

I think dealing with the issues knocked most of the energy and confidence out of me.

I will get back into the groove of life by Monday.

I hereby declare Monday, January 4th the official start to my New Year. 

You can wish me Happy New Year then.

I will be very ok with that. 

 

Warmly, Me

 

P.S. Saturday, Jan 2nd is my half birthday. Yikes! I'm feeling officially old.

Where is That Portal?

Today you are you! 

That is truer than true!

There is no one alive who is you-er than you!

 ~ Dr. Seuss

                

 

Hmm...

What if, perhaps, I am not as keen on being me today?

It has been a very hard week so far.

I am positive that I somehow slipped into a not as pleasant parallel version of my life.

If I could only find the portal back home...

Yes. Yes. Yes.

I am full of emotional drama today. 

I think I will sleep it off.

 

Warmly, Me