I have many thought fragments swimming crazy like in my mind but I have such hard time processing them into a series of understandable, intelligent sounding thoughts.
What can I narrow my thoughts down to?
What main thing can I focus on?
Ok.
I will try.
Here goes.
Gee, I fail. Oh boy do I fail.
I almost daily am reminded of how so ill equipped I am as a mom of many. Ok as a human being. My heart, my passion is to follow the Lord down this road he has me on. I am just so weak. I fail SO much. The pressure can be so great. Did I say I fail SO much?
Why did the Lord asked me and not about a zillion other women who would do a better job, I have no idea.
Sometimes I think that he really was asking someone else but me being the want-a-be I am, the girl without a social clue that I am, I budged in front of his intended target all obnoxious like and took his task card running away with it before anyone knew what was happening. And look what I did. I made a mess of things. Now I need him to fix things. Fix my mess. He constantly needs to fix the wounds I created and then left fester, the feelings I trampled all over, the dreams I squashed, the tiny fragile hearts I broke.
Mess. Mess. Mess.
But despite my messes.
Despite it all I need to move on. To keep doing my best. To keep going to God to fix what I have broken.
Today is one of those times.
Humbled, I want to hide in a corner and lick my wounds.
The last thing I want to do is to participate in teaching the kids about living for the Lord.
I am sure they can see the hypocrisy oozing out of my every pore.
But the night moved on anyway.
I just oozed all over but no one really noticed. At least not this evening.
Jeff started the evening reading 2 Kings 22 when the book of the Law was found under King Josiah's reign. How King Josiah humbled himself before God on behalf of himself and his people and God responded:
"Tell the king of Judah, who sent you to inquire of the Lord, ‘This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says concerning the words you heard: Because your heart was responsive and you humbled yourself before the Lord when you heard what I have spoken against this place and its people—that they would become a curse and be laid waste—and because you tore your robes and wept in my presence, I also have heard you, declares the Lord. Therefore I will gather you to your ancestors, and you will be buried in peace. Your eyes will not see all the disaster I am going to bring on this place.’”Jeff encouraged the kids of how important it is to live a life in obedience to God just like King Josiah did. And when we are reading the Bible to take seriously the things God is teaching us.
Jeff then read the kids the story of the Widow's offering.
The Widow’s OfferingMark 12: 41-44
Jesus sat down opposite the place where the offerings were put and watched the crowd putting their money into the temple treasury. Many rich people threw in large amounts. But a poor widow came and put in two very small copper coins, worth only a few cents.
Calling his disciples to him, Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put more into the treasury than all the others. They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of her poverty, put in everything—all she had to live on.”Jeff explained that there are people who give us things, maybe a can of beans here or a bag of rice there, who like the widow are not giving out of their richness but sharing what little they have with us out of kind obedience to the Lord. God wants us to have the same heart. The same type of obedience.
So we set off to make two very kind older ladies cookies and thank you cards.
Can you smell the tasty goodness?
It was a fun night.
That corner I wanted to hang out in licking my wounds...it would have not been very fun. It was kind of a cold, drafty corner anyway.
Warmly, A Dragonfrye Mommy
