Mmmm...very tasty! Jeff did stay up late Monday night to make the best tasting miniature peanut butter cookies to place in the kids Christmas tree Advent cones. The kids really enjoyed their morning cookie and I appreciated not having to make anything myself!
I think Youtube might have pulled one of my Thanksgiving videos. I'm not sure but all my videos worked just fine even that particular one but yesterday I noticed that this one said "We are sorry. This video is no longer available". Strange. I tried to find a Youtube email address to inquire as to if someone had flagged it and for what reason but could not find an inquiry email. I did re-upload it and the second upload worked fine but so did the first one. I could not find any Youtube rules I violated but after thinking about the video I decided that pointing out on the video that Grace was being grumpy at the moment I was shooting the video was not the most uplifting thing to do so I re deleted it myself.
My thoughts were getting the better of me all day. Maybe someone thought I was being a bad mom and flagged the video. Of course, when I do not keep my thoughts in check they start to spiral to other areas of my life so by the end of the day I felt all beat up by my own thoughts! Exhausting. The more I thought about the video and the possibility of someone being offended by misinterpreting it wrongly the more frustrated/angry I got.How dare they judge me! But by the end of the day I realized I was just more humbled because I had a laps in judgement and others witnessed it live on video. I'm over it now...made peace.
Here is a disappointment I experienced today...I am sure most who know us well enough would not be surprised that we would toss around the possibility of future adoptions (yes,even after witnessing my great parenting skills that were on display on Youtube). We read a month ago about two Liberian children whose adoption is being disrupted here in the US. Their family here loves them very much but for special reasons they feel the children would do better in a different home situation. I remember reading about them and although the circumstances as to why they were in need of a new home rattled me I really wanted our home to be their new home.
We knew we would not be the ideal family that their parents were thinking they needed but gee I knew if it was God's plan he could make it happen and I was very willing to do whatever God wanted us to do. I had their pictures in my prayer notebook with a list of things we believed God would need to do to take us to the next step. Sad for me but happy for the children and their family I saw today that it looks like they must have found their new home and it is not ours. I am disappointed...I really am...I already had mental plans about who would sleep where,how much extra hot cereal I would cook,schooling.I even loosed my grip on my 'need' to sew. Well truthfully loosened my grip only in my head only but was planning to really loosen my grip when the time came.
Along side the disappointment was the thought that maybe God is preparing our hearts for something in the future. We have never really considered the idea of adoption within the US until these two children came up,but then again up until a few years ago we would have not even given international adoption a second thought. The last few weeks I have been pouring over pictures and profiles of children here in America in need of homes...so many beautiful children.Sometimes I get so mad at myself for being so 'me'. I wish I was not so imperfect and selfish.It is nice that God takes us step by step moment by moment through our lives otherwise I would be racing ahead. Who knows what God has in store...maybe our family the way it is is God's perfect plan for us. I do not know...I want to be ready for anything.
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