I am just feeling so overwhelmed with everything...I just do not get it...I do not know how can look at the things that go on around here daily and sit back for a moment of two to take a breather and count my blessings,to take a moment to appreciate all God is doing...is he doing anything?It does not seem like it a lot of the time.I'm sure the blessings are there but life is going SO fast there really isn't the time to notice much.If I do not do the laundry for one day we are SO backed up it is overwhelming.If I make a stupid impulse purchase, however minor, the effects are felt greatly.I can not organize enough,clean enough,plan enough, to have a day that flows even sort-of smoothly.I wake up every morning with a stirred up stomach dreading the day and can not sleep because things weigh so heavy on my mind.Now, I do not want to pull out the large family vs extra large family card but having our seven seemed like a lot back then but it was nothing compared to right now!There really was some breathing room back then.A break was really a break.A day or so letting my tasks slide was felt a little but not like now.Now days there isn't much wiggle room for me to sit and be idle for long.Not to mention the verbal pincushion I am most days.I have a few kids very talented at hitting some major arteries of mine.
I think what is happening is that I am holding on to the idea (maybe holding onto the 'right') that I can ( should be able to ) do things the same way as I could way back then and get the same results. What I think I need is for God to teach me new things...new management skills,new training skills,new teaching skills,new cleaning skills,new deeper loving skills,new strength to cut out the time stealers I am clinging on to so tightly,new strength to lay more of my self will before him.Now...if I become invisible ( which I fear I will become )you will know why...Hmm...maybe becoming invisible is the point...less of me/more of God.Hey! I might be on to something. You just witnessed a few scales falling from my eyes.This whole craziness might not be as bad as I thought.
Behold, (Tina) I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:19
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