I received this email the other day regarding my Dragonfrye News blog. It has gotten my mind thinking.I do not know who this woman is but she hit on something in my life I have been overlooking.I highlighted it in purple.
I have been thinking that over the years I have gotten a little mixed up in my thinking about God...I have forgotten that God is not waiting for me to get all prettied up or figure out 'life' and then bring it to him afterwords.He will not keep distant until I'm together enough.He does not pull out a clean towel to sit on before he sits beside me so he does not dirty his clothes.Sin does not intimidate him.Was it not Jesus himself who touched the Leper...Didn't he muddy his own hands to heal the blind man...yes, and shed his own blood.He was right there in the moment...
It has gotten tricky for me because I think I should know better.I should already know how to be a good mom or wife.God sure has showed me a lot over the years.I think my issues have not been whether I follow all the great parenting/home management/good wife tips.I think the issue has been am I only letting God in only during the "Christmas News Letter" times in my life and not the hidden icky times.Am I just as comfortable with him sitting next to me when I majorly blow it with the kids or Jeff or even personal things.Can I accept that he wants to be there right next to me with the yuck of my sin all over both of us.Maybe my thoughts are off base.I do not know.
Dear Tina-
I came upon your blog through your quilt giveaway, but as I read your blog a bit, I was very struck by your post about considering taking a blogging break. Isn't blogging an interesting thing? We want to share and read other's blogs to be inspired and to see other's stories, but ultimately as public space, we often see only the "public face" of someone. The deepest parts of our lives (both joys and sorrows) are often not meant for the blog. My friend compares blogs to a perpetual Christmas letter where everyone writes about the accomplishment highlights, sends a picture of the kids looking their cutest (and usually neatest they've been all year!), maybe alludes to a few struggles, but never truly shares the nitty gritty yucky stuff of life. Perhaps that is ok, as long as we realize that that is the case. It's not like our lives are a mess, and everyone else has it together!
I think at times we need to retreat to our private places, and that's ok. We need to come back to working things out in our own hearts, praying (sometimes heartachingly) honestly, relying on friends who can hear our craziest thoughts and deepest discouragements and still have faith in us, working through the messes and misunderstandings with our families. I guess as I think about your post from a month ago, I think that setting aside blogging for a time (or forever) shouldn't be something you feel bad about if that is right for you. The most meaningful work we do within ourselves and within our families doesn't always show up in ways that others can see, not immediately and in some ways, not ever.
But also, if you find a way to blog that helps you celebrate the little joys (even if they are brief in the midst of BIG time craziness), process your feelings, connect with others, may you be blessed to find it.
When you shared the story of two women, it made me think about a recent change in my prayers. It dawned on me that I, like Eve, am often ashamed of what ever it is I am dealing with and struggling with here in mortality and want to hide myself from God. I've started changing my prayers to let Him know I want Him in my life, right now in the middle of the mess, even when I am doubting and scared and screwing up. He can see it anyway! I'd rather have Him with me as I work it out. Remember, He says His grace is sufficient for us, imperfect people.
Oh, I am saying a prayer for you today. May you continue to find more peace, more answers, more guidance as you move forward in your heart and in your life. I think that struggling with faith can be a way to strengthen our faith, so be patient with the process. I trust that you are following your heart now and choosing what is best for your family little by little as that way is shown to you.
God bless
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